Stressed, disappointed.
Monday, May 31, 2010 / 9:32:00 PM
That's exactly what I feel like doing now.
Today's paper was.... Well. Paper 1 was disastrous, paper 2 was quite easy. I was really speechless when I first saw paper 1's questions. Letter writing- omg, why both questions got nothing much to write one??? Compo- ???? Wtf, so chim for what??!
So, yah. I wrote 3 pages for each section. But I hope I didn't write out of point. The main reason why I wanna bang my head on the wall so badly is because, I fucking leave so many blanks. Because I wanted to just quickly complete my compo and use the dictionary after I'm done with it. BUT, I didn't had enough time to fill in all! *&^%$#@ Seriously feel like shouting and screaming and even wanted to beg the examiner to gimme 1 more minute to fill in the more important parts. What the fuck. Really. & most of the words that I left blank are the main points. Bloody fuck. The feeling of having the paper right in front of you but you can't do anything while waiting for the teacher to collect my paper is super unbearable.
And the letter writing... I know it's kinda long. But I didn't really put in any chim words like my mid years' where I got the highest in class. Haizzzzzzzz, now I just gotta pray hard that I didn't write out of point.
I don't know if the reason that I didn't do well is because I felt really stress or I just didn't put in effort. This morning while we were still at the parade square, I was totally freaking out. I kept reading my notes. After a while, I put it back in my bag. And after a minute, I took it out again. I seriously suck at handling stress/pressure.
Paper 2 was okay. I finished the first section where you just have to write the numbers in 15 minutes. I thought there was still alot of time so I read and did the other two written compre slowly. Until I didn't have enough time. Again -.- Didn't leave any question blank but I wrote very short only. Hopefully I can still get 1 or 2 marks for that.
Went home straight after the paper. Mood still affected by my terribly done paper 1. Think until got really bad headache, so slept for 3 hours. Sigh. Now I'm thinking that, if I get a B4 and below for Chinese, I'm gonna retake it. Because if I get a B4 and below, but still get <15 for my L1R4 for all my subs, I would still be very disappointed with myself for doing badly for Chinese. That's how high expectations I have for myself for Chinese cause it has been my most confident subject. It would be like stabbing a knife in my heart if I've got a bad grade for that.
I can see that everyone is in the 'yay-mt-olevels-is-finally-over' mood. But I'm in the 'what-the-hell-why-must-it-end-so-soon' mood.
Still remember how confident I was last year during the MT 'N' levels. I did both letter writing and compo in time. I even had extra time to check through the paper thoroughly, pack my stuff nicely and look around and see that everyone is still rushing to finish their paper. I was really really confident. It was the same with paper 2. I felt that it was a breeze. Serious! Not being proud or exaggerating. And I got a P2 for that. Really really happy. But this year..... It's just not the same. Sigh ~
RAHHHH, I'M BLABBERING NONSENSE.
MH'S AT CAMP. AHHHHH.
BYEBYEBYE.
